May 17, 2011

Growing in Grace

I recently found some of my old essays that I wrote to get into Moody during my senior year of high school, and it was quite eye-opening. To be honest, as I read them I was a little shocked. I realized very quickly what a moralist I was (and of course, still am). But it's not as if through my time in Chicago I've somehow "arrived," as it were. Through reading this, I learned how sickly moralistic I'd made holiness and how Jesus was absent from all of my theology. Everything revolved around "what I do," rather than "what Jesus has done."

Here's some snippets torn from various essays. Hopefully you can feel the deep moralism that had invaded my Christian faith. Reading this was both a joyous moment (because I see how far Christ has brought me) and a sobering moment (to realize just how prone I am to falling back into that trap):

"I believe that Christians are to be holy and blameless in their actions (Col. 1:22), and that by doing this they won't lose their witness to people around them." Wrong. I am included in Jesus Christ (18 year old Matt hadn't read the previous verse), therefore he has made me holy and blameless:
And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister.
"Prayer is my first action when I wake up and before I sleep at night." Lie.

"I also feel that the world has demented these things (dancing, alcohol, tobacco) into temptations for Christians and that it is best that in most cases Christians stay away from them." - Yikes. Can you feel the separatism? I didn't believe that God had made all things good, and those he has chosen to be saved now are able to enjoy these things just as God intended them to be. It's not as if we must run from these things merely because many people have distorted and twisted God's design for them; rather, Christians are to enjoy them how God intended, and thus show the glory and satisfaction in worshiping Jesus.

There's much more I'm sure, but just wanted to share a joyous moment in which I realized what a self-righteous religious freak I was. God is slowly dragging me kicking and screaming from that life, and little by little (as I see the beauty and absolute joy of a grace-filled life), the kicks are being stilled and the screams are fading out... The gospel of Jesus is one of grace, a story in which the God, the author, gets all the glory, and we his characters get all the joy.

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